THE STORY OF THE SUBMARINE

Do you remember the submarine that used to be outside our shop? It was something that I built to hold an exhibition in and was a spectacular failure because it was difficult to get people to go into it to actually look at the exhibition. Most preferred to stay outside and comment on the fact that I used toilet seats for the portholes (I was in a rush).

Anyway, it sat for years outside the shop acting as a sort of detached stockroom. I loved telling people that I thought a certain item was in stock and “let me check in the submarine”.

Then a few years ago I moved house and decided, after living there for a while, that I didn’t like our garden shed. About this time Burwash Manor looked like it was going to need a Santa’s Grotto so it didn’t take a genius like me long to realise a shed, in return for transporting the submarine to my house, might solve a few problems.

I have to say that following Michael Radford (Burwash Manor owner, and man worryingly accustomed to such weird tasks) down the A14 towing my submarine on a trailer was probably in my top 3 stressful life moments. I was composing newspaper headline in my head involving serious accident, 2 suspects’ held, blue submarine and debris spread over 2 counties.

At one point a police patrol car drew level in the fast lane and I could see the officers talking to each other and much shoulder shrugging. I was convinced we were going to get pulled over but I’m guessing it might have been near their shift end and they drove off quickly – well, who wants to deal with a submarine on the A14 – think of the paperwork...

Eventually, after the longest 35 minute journey of my life, we got the submarine to my house. We then preceded to block the small lane outside my garden for 45 minutes while trying to get the thing in through a hole I had created in the hedge (for those of you who hadn’t seen the submarine, it was 16 feet long and nearly 16 feet high at the periscope!). There developed a small but not angry queue of cars. I think rural Suffolk folk are used to agricultural delays and this was at least vaguely amusing to watch. A one-legged farmer, one idiot, a submarine, an annoyed hedge and lots of swearing.

So, I have a submarine in my garden which looks, er, interesting... and I can get all the gear into it that was in my rubbish old shed.

But, mainly, I got rid of that shed...or so I thought. The recent building work at Burwash Manor has meant that the Secret Garden Furniture shop has moved next to our shop and their new temporary office (which I can see from the counter) is....drum roll....my old *****y shed!

This must be karma.